Recently I wrote an article calling on the neurotypical community to be more understanding of the trials and tribulations of neurodiverse individuals.
In the spirit of balance, I am now going to discuss what NDs can do to make their relationships better and more productive with NTs.
Firstly, we are all humans, unique and wonderful in our own right, putting these labels on each other the whole time is making us very siloed and cliquey but to make this easier to read I will have to do it.
I spent the vast majority of my life feeling a bit misunderstood, I was diagnosed with dyslexia at a very young age and received additional support during schooling, whilst this helps academically you have a visible label put on you during your childhood, and back in the early 90s the world wasn't nearly accepting as it is now.
But this has all changed, and maybe even too much... I recently read an article in the Times (I'll try my best to find it link when I do) where teachers are saying kids are actively trying to find something to be different about, with ND diagnoses being celebrated like getting into a club.
It now seems like being ND is 'cool' and that worries me, mental disabilities are not a fashion item, as I mentioned previously this is not a 'fad'.
Whilst I am proud of who I am, my diagnosis doesn't define me. I don't introduce myself as ADHD Jamie, I'm just Jamie. And that will never change.
However, I'm starting to see a very 'us and them' mentality within some ND circles. Maybe a backlash to years of feeling ignored/trying to conform to NT ways of working which don't suit you.
Let me just say I more than hear you, I've been in and am still in your shoes. But this guarded 'woe is me' mentality will get us nowhere and may even end up being counterproductive.
Let me give you some examples of this, recently I attended a talk along with our Partnership Director and fellow ADHDer Henry, at everyone's favourite overpriced member's club in Shoreditch.
The event was based on the 'Future Of Neurodiversity In the Workplace'(or something along these lines). I was expecting a super positive and informative discussion on ways of working and increasing productivity, this couldn't be further from what we got.
In my whole life until this event, I had only walked out of one thing and that was 'Lost In Space' with Matt Le Blanc in 1998, and I've sat through some painful experience’s since, so let's say It takes a lot.
For 30 minutes the panel ranted, nothing at all about the future it was all past bad experiences and incidents of feeling victimised.
These ranged from being late to work because of your dyslexia and being punished (note they were never early...) to anger at not getting a deposit back for a hair appointment due to your ADHD causing you to forget.
At no point did the panellists think about the other party. What about the stylist who's just lost 80% of their fee and time, or the team that can't start a meeting due to a member not being there etc?
This was triggering me so much as there was no positivity in this room what's so ever, I am very receptive to 'vibes' and this was a bad one. I looked at Henry and he was visibly angry at what was being discussed, it was at that moment I doubled my 'walk out' tally and we both left.
This is not just one incident. I see content daily attacking ways of working or just general situations, what we have to understand is neurodiversity is so broad there cannot be a bespoke approach for each person, what a dyslexic might need in comparison to someone who's dyspraxic might be totally different.
Of course, corporates can do more to be accommodating, and for the most part, I think they are, more awareness of their workforce and creating a safe environment where NDs feel they have a voice without judgement is a great start.
Prime examples of this are WFH and flexi-hours. I used to get terrible insomnia before work sometimes, riddled with anxiety about only having X hours of sleep before my alarm. Being able to work from home if allowed helped so much with this, also I am more productive in the evenings and would like the morning to go to the gym which as mentioned previously makes me feel wonderful which makes me in turn more productive so being able to start an hour later made a huge difference to me whilst giving my employer more.
But there are some situations where you are going to have to learn or deal with. I see poor timekeeping due to ND being used as a defence for lateness or forgetting appointments, I think some personal ownership here is needed, and to try and get better at it. We are blessed with a multitude of apps to help, I use TimeTree as my diary you can customise it as you like with colours, attachments and maps it's great!
Neurodiversity can't be a 'superpower' in the same breath as being the root of all faults. It's not a switch we can turn off, and if we keep pretending it is we won't get anywhere.
I started Mattr as a platform for all, which has features to make it a more welcoming and accessible place for NDs. It would be far simpler to label this an ND-only app both in terms of comms and targeting. But that's the opposite of what we are trying to achieve because we need more synergies than silos.
Everyone feels overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, yes NDs may feel these feelings stronger or in different ways but they are not unique to us. Our app wants to remove the triggers for all, whilst adding features to help those that may need them.
When we mix more, understand more, and listen more we will learn more on both sides!
We have a huge opportunity here to make work and the world a far more inclusive and understanding place for NDs, something, which is massively needed as we are over 20% of the population, let's grasp it with open arms, creating positive relationships and try and be just as understanding of others and we would like them to be of us.
Build bridges, not walls. We are all on the same team.
Jamie
P.S: As with all my articles they are just personal opinions of mine and you may think or feel differently about the above. Feedback as always is welcome.